Us

I’m really into the show Sense8. I am a person who binges on TV, but rarely on the same show twice. The last time I watched a show obsessively was Grey’s Anatomy and that was only after I had four seasons in my possession. I have one season and I’ve watched it three times because every time I sit down to watch TV (which is also becoming increasingly rarer these days) I honestly can’t think of anything that seems more interesting than re-watching this show.

The common thread in my obsessive watching of TV shows is how they make me feel. I was obsessed with Grey’s at a time in my life where I was convinced life was really dark and and painful, but I was entrenched in the idea that there were bright spots worth pursuing.

Sense8 is similar for me in how it makes me feel, but the message is a little more optimistic. There are several characters, all with their own past wounds and current struggles. Sense8’s message is that a healing life is one where we are intimately known and connected to each other. The only choice we have is to live in each other’s skin to the end that we feel and understand as if it’s our own life. I love this message because it resonates with one of my deepest core beliefs: To be known intimately and adored for what makes you authentic, is the most exquisite part of this life.

There’s a scene where Riley, one of the Sensates, is discussing her life in Iceland and the suicide rates in spring when the winter clears. She is speaking with another friend and they discuss their mutual feelings of hopelessness about life. He says something I could relate to, especially in a moment Friday when I awoke to learn about another attack in France, a week after two American black men were senselessly shot and the ensuing violence in Dallas, where two police officers were killed in response to more black killings. This is two weeks in the world. Oh also, Turkey is going through a political revolution and people just keep killing each other. I’ve stopped listening to NPR, my dearly loved news radio, because my heart cannot take it anymore.

I got to admit it, sometimes I feel this way – especially when I see how awful we can all be to each other. I don’t understand how people can be filled with such anger and rage that they want to kill strangers. If anything, I find myself feeling sad and wanting to do something good to counteract all the hurt in the world. When I start realizing that this is human nature – we’ve been killing each other since our inception as a race – I start to believe that we are the problem. We are the evil. We are hopelessly destined to continue killing each other and those of us who have any shred of compassion can’t bear the weight of watching it helplessly.

I just got back from a trip in Europe. It was amazing and a feast for my soul. I inhaled so much inspiration, beauty, awareness and perspective. One thing I noticed while we were there that many of the ancient cities had arenas built strictly for the sport of watching people murder each other. Of course now we are more civilized. We have Game of Thrones and The Walking Dead and Criminal Minds and… all the entertainment we could want to watch each other die. What is our obsession with this and why can’t STOP KILLING EACH OTHER?

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I’m not omniscient and I am willing to admit that because I have very strong beliefs about how things should be handled in our world and how poorly they seem to be handled now, that surely I can be wrong simply because there is someone out there who disagrees with me. I just so frustrated that we can’t just admit it’s broken and fix it together. We’re so caught up in blaming each other and fighting about what causes the pain, ignoring the ways in which we’ve already discovered the solution. 

I think it’s our obsession with our differences. In Europe, there’s a history of difference. We never used to cross paths with those different from us because of our ability to travel outside of a small area, relative to the size of the world. European cities are walkable in ways I have rarely found in American cities. Infrastructure used today was often built before we had any major modes of mass transportation. Many roads are so narrow that only a human could navigate its path.

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Then we discovered a way to go just a little further. We found more people like us, trying to scratch out an existence. They had made different decisions on how to thrive, had evolved in small ways to survive. We found those who were different from us, but who were still ‘us’. We invented ways to get further, to see more. We claimed land and we didn’t want to share it, assuming there were more people like us, out there to claim the land we claimed. We became obsessed with the idea that there wasn’t enough to go around, so we had to forcibly claim it as ours, even if we had no certainty there were more like us – hungry to live in prosperity, created to survive – and we knew there would be more. 

We live in a world that has been crafted around the idea of scarcity. That there is not enough to go around to satisfy every craving. Therefore, we split ourselves into our differences: the ‘haves’ and the ‘have nots’. It creates epic struggles, deep pains and often leads to the death of some so the few can have their most important wants.

I wish we lived in a world of abundance. One where there is enough to go around because we all recognize that when pain exists, it ripples through the ‘us’ because we are more alike than we are different. The European Union is a perfect example of this truth. You have countries with strong economies who are supporting countries with weaker economies and those strong economies have expectations about how these countries who they support will behave to give back to their financiers. England leaves the EU for more independence, seemingly without facing the hard knowledge that we are all intertwined – independence is an illusion. Our economies are dependent on each other. People are  more connected than they have ever been and information is in abundance. We cannot shut ourselves away from the world, because the world forces us to be together, simply by our geography. We will never be able to be isolated from the abundance around us, while not sharing the abundance within us.
I will hold on to the idea that one day, our eyes and hearts will be clearer and we will see this world for what it truly is – one giant experiment to see if we can figure out how to love each other with the shared understanding it is our only certainty to abundance for all. When I deny love to another because of their difference with me, I deny the truth that no matter the difference, the similarity between us is still greater. We all want a life of prosperity, peace and love for ourselves and that life can only be achieved when we recognize we cannot achieve it with certainty until we ensure it for our neighbor. As they say in Sense8: ‘I am also a we’. 

Let’s Talk About Nothing

When you’re unemployed, TV is your best friend. The television is that thing that makes you feel like you have a life. You regularly interact with your TV and you look at men like this one on Netflix and all seems right with the world.

Yes, another season of White Collar has made its way to Netflix. My life is complete. I’ve already watched all of Burn Notice. Man, I want that dress Fiona wore in the finale.

Maybe someone ::cough:: Jesse ::cough:: will get it for me? Yeah, I won’t hold my breath. It’s a beauty though. I have probably five more days in which it will be wearable in Seattle.

I gave up cheese/dairy for Lent about two year ago. It wasn’t pretty, but I got through it. You know what was the hardest part? Sneaky things with cheese/”milk product” in them. Stuff you wouldn’t think about with random milk product in it. Like, cereal or tortilla chips. Something you’d be like, whoa, dairy. So now that we’re working on transitioning toward a vegan style of eating, I’m having to check all those labels again. I’m also wrestling with my love of cheese. It’s like when you’re dating someone and they are so awesome, but you realize in the long run they aren’t good for you. This is cheese for me. My body doesn’t like cheese, but my mouth sure does. It’s a wicked life.

I’m worried I’m going to lose my counseling skillz, yo. Like, I know it’s not like athleticism, but I don’t want my abilities to atrophy in the meantime. I’m hoping someone on my periphery will just have a breakdown and need someone to talk to about it. Just kidding… or am I? No, I am. Seriously though, I need to practice. Patronus is just pretty content with life. It makes it hard to try to sort out his problems.

If that isn’t contentedness, I don’t know what is.

Hey, guess what? It’s Friday, have a puppy.

Aw heck, have another.

If I could be any kind of criminal, I think I’d be an art thief. It seems like one of the last really good criminal activities that requires something other than a computer (we’ll leave all computer skills to people like Jesse) and mostly just some smarts, some cool gadgets, and people skills. That’s how it looks on White Collar, anyway.

If you could be any kind of person on the “wrong side of the tracks” who would you choose to be?

Please don’t say anything scary like a murderer or something else equally as awful. This is a fun place.

Friday Fails

Okay, this is going to be short. I have a seriously hot date with my couch and the remaining seasons of In Plain Sight on my Netflix. If you have Netflix and you binge on TV like I do, I highly recommend all the USA shows on Netflix right now (and Downton Abbey)! I’ve watched four seasons of Burn Notice, one season of In Plain Sight, and two seasons of White Collar. Neal Caffrey get on my body right now.

Seriously, Matthew Bomer is so yummy. I think it’s disrespectful to say “It’s a shame he’s gay,” because it’s not a shame because being gay is just fine. But, I wish I had a chance… somehow. Like maybe in another life… with another body and life circumstances. Or if I was a man. C’est la vie.

In other news, I’m playing Scramble with Friends. Generally I am really kick ass at word games. I’ll go ahead and say it. You Scrabble players out there, I will slaughter you. You Scramblers… well, I need to keep at it. Look at how many times I’ve lost. I’m puzzled. I’m perplexed. I’m another p word I can’t think of because I’m too busy trying to find letters that connect to one another. I’m seriously looking at the keypad on my phone trying to find ways to type words without picking up my fingers. Scramble with Friends has changed the way I look at my life.

I am so damn frustrated and yet so addicted. If anybody wants to play with me, my username is jenbing! (some jerk out there already took just jenbing, what the hell?). Play me, teach me, please don’t judge me.

Then, it took me like 5 hours to motivate myself to go to the gym. I took a week off because I seriously effed up my shoulder and rearranged my schedule to backlog shoulders by two weeks. So today was shoulders. I guess today was shoulders for everyone. There was a guy using the Smith Machine Press for 40 MINUTES. He kept checking himself out over and over again, doing the same workout for almost an hour. I was so irritated. I did not want to be at the gym and this guy was delaying me. Eventually, his narcissism won and I just did cardio and went home. I also didn’t do another exercise because all of the machines were taken and I was already pissed off at GTL Jersey Shore Smith Machine Lover Man. Le sigh. I’m being mean, so I’m going to move on.

And leave you with the best picture to start your weekend ever!

You’re welcome.