This Year

Is almost over. Bruce the Spruce has served his purpose. I was lucky enough to watch the first four Harry Potter movies on Christmas Eve. I watched the Hobbit in 3-D at the Cinerama yesterday, with 48 frames per second, and I did not like it. Too much. We’re going to have a nice outing for NYE, but nothing crazy. This year is basically over, guys.

Man, what a ride it’s been. Most of this year was spent being so busy that I didn’t have time to think. Now, I’m busy, but not in a way that really occupies my mind. I’m doing menial tasks, building up to a lot of work that starts in 2013. The problem with this situation is that even when I have nothing to occupy my mind, it still finds a way to stay busy… it ruminates. It fixates. I’m trying to feed it good, healthy things that will produce sunshine, rainbows, unicorns, and light sabers, but I’m coming up with all of the things that could go wrong. Preparation is seriously one of the scariest things ever. It’s why clients usually panic or relapse before any actual changes occur. The idea of trying and failing is sometimes more paralyzing than giving it your all and failing spectacularly. If you don’t try, then you always have that nugget to hold to that change is possible late when you’re ready.

I’m ready. There is no better time than the present. I can’t sit here any longer and get things to work any better. I can’t fixate or ruminate about my future if I’m not actively pursuing it. So, it’s time to ramp myself up into this new endeavor. It’s time to take the plunge.

You’ll all know what I’m talking about soon enough. I’m sure you already do. It’s so close, I can taste it.

It is Decided

I’m working from home today. It’s the Christmas Eve, it’s cold out, but not cold enough for snow and I can’t decide if I’m happy it’s not snowing or if I’m bummed. I was dreaming of a White Christmas… in theory, maybe. Whatever. The point is, I’m working from home today. I have an article to write for The Gottman Blog as well as some other items on my agenda before I can officially waltz into the glory of love and presents waiting for me tomorrow.

I kept wondering to myself, “What should I do today to get in the spirit?” since it’s just me + Patronus all day until Jesse gets home from work. Then, I looked at my Instagram, and I saw this photo…

It was decided. Today, I will watch the Harry Potter Blu-Rays I was given for Hanukkah. Life is so good, man. I think I’ll also bake and cook, because Christmas doesn’t count unless there’s cookies. Happy Christmas Eve, you filthy animals.

The Present Burn

I’ve never had a problem with waiting for Christmas. I was always just fine anticipating the day St. Nick would ride his merry sleigh to our humble abode in Florida – surprisingly, we had a chimney. I don’t remember ever trying to wait up to see Santa. I was fine with him coming while I was sleeping, eating a few cookies, letting his reindeer chomp on some carrots, and then going places. He is a busy guy… I get it. No need to hold up the show.

Maybe it’s the move to Seattle, my minor bouts of loneliness or longing for my faraway friends, but I am DYING to open our presents sent from far and wide. They are just sitting under our tree, Bruce [the Spruce], taunting me. Yes, I name everything. Deal with it. The presents call to me when I’m sleeping, saying “Look at all this love you can’t see quite yet!” Their voices sound a lot like Patronus’ meows, though. Weird.

Christmas is SO CLOSE and then it’s the New Year. I know I can wait, but I don’t know what the deal is with this year. I’m notoriously an impatient person, but I’ve never wanted to spoil a surprise. Am I becoming completely impossible? Maybe. It’s weird that this NYE, I’ll be in Seattle. I’ll probably freezing my buns (and toes, and nose, and… ears) off. Blech. In spite of it being a great year, I’m ready for this year to be over. I’m in a hurry to start all the exciting things in 2013.

Looking back on this year while catching up with a friend on the phone today, I realized just how fortunate I am to be here at this place in my life. Sure, I’m cold. Sure, I feel kind of isolated sometimes. Sure, I really just want to eat a ton of cookies, watch a chick flick, and cry just to “get it out” (does anyone else have this tendency, as I will choose to call it?). But, being cold is cool (heh, get it?). I get to wear cute boots, cool jackets, and experience a whole different life. I can see the Space Needle from my apartment, all besparkled with a Christmas tree atop it. I get to make new friends, which is always usually fun! If I really want to, I can bake cookies and have my cry. That’s a beautiful thing.

Anyway, to finish out this Friday ramble, I’m really feeling weird at the moment. I am thankful that this year happened, but I’m ready for it to be over. So much lies in the wake of 2012, that I just want it to move aside and let 2013 be awesome. My private practice is *almost* completely ready (more details soon), my program at work is on the cusp of launching, we’re looking for a house (to rent), a puppy (!!!!!!!!)(to love), and Thailand isn’t far off. Man… my life is so good, I just can’t wait for it to keep happening. I think that’s why I want to open the presents… there’s so much good under that tree, I just want to feel the love.