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So, Saturday was a big day. Jesse and I started out our morning eating leftover Christmas crumbcake, drinking coffee, and preparing ourselves to go rental house hunting. We had a couple of hopeful houses on our list, so we were feeling really good. The rental market here in Seattle is super competitive, so we also knew we might have to sign a lease that day.

I was really excited. Jesse and I moved in together when I started this blog (July 2011). We were a couple weeks shy of one year together, but considering we started dating living four floors away from each other and working together, we felt pretty good about this next step (we hadn’t killed each other yet). It was July 2011. I was super excited to try living with a boy (gasp!) who was my boyfriend (double gasp!). Then, Amazon happened and Jesse moved to Seattle on Dec. 1, 2011. It was nice while it lasted, though.

Flash-forward to a year later, I graduated from my master’s program and moved to Seattle. Jesse got a 13-month lease, meaning our lease for his studio apartment wouldn’t be done until Jan 31, 2013. Which means we’ve now lived in the studio apartment longer than we lived in our Florida townhome. It also means I don’t really feel like we’ve ever had a home. It also means I feel really cramped a lot of the time.

I believe our experience has generally been good for us. Because we’ve been through so much change and so many different environments, I believe it’s made us stronger. The distance did so much for my certainty in knowing Jesse is the guy for me, living with him in a tiny studio has reminded me what a great person and roommate he is, and looking for a home has really made me excited about our future. We want the same things out of a home and out of our life. It’s cool.

Anyway, after a full morning of looking in the dreary cold, we found the place we’re going to live! I’ll show you some pictures from the rental posting with the living room, dining room, and kitchen. Look at how cool and open it is!

It’s a real home! It’s a home I want to go directly to West Elm for and buy a bunch of overpriced pillows. It’s home I can see my friends and family staying in, our dog frolicking through, a warm fire, a happy cat, and a place where I feel safe and comforted. It’s a place where I believe Jesse and I will evolve and grow as people – together.

This is something I’m really excited about. It seems like a big piece of what I’ve wanted from this transition to Seattle is now in place. I feel like I’m growing up. It’s weird.

Return to Therapy

I am going back to therapy.

Life has been wonderful lately, but it’s also been full of change. I have a lot looming on the horizon that can go wonderfully or can crash in giant failure flames. I have faith all will work as it should, but I also have stress. Since I was a young adult, I’ve been stressed. I’m just tightly wound and my brain thinks about everything all the time. I know the best way (for me) to fight stress is through preventative wellness. When things are breezy and I feel adjusted, some steady yoga practice and meditation helps. When life is in constant dramatic shift and I feel a little unsure about my footing, I find I usually need to step up my game.

The only semblance of normal comfort is my friendship I have with Jesse. Yes, I have made some great friends so far, but I left behind friendships that are some of the strongest bonds of my life. You don’t just magically evolve and recover from a loss like that. Even with them in my life regularly through the wonders of e-mail, FaceTime, and the like, I still don’t have the network I need in a time like this.

As a result, every moment of emotional vulnerability either gets internalized or dropped on Jesse’s doorstep. I know he loves me and wants to support me, but I also don’t want him to become an outlet for every negative feeling or thought process I have. When I’m feeling homesick – which is happening a lot these days – I don’t want to always cry to him about it because I worry he’ll feel responsible or worse, I will be upset with myself for not showing the immense gratitude I have for this life transition.

So, I’m going to find someone to talk to about my life. My fears, my hopes, my struggles, and my triumphs through the next year. I know I could use the support during such a big shift in my life. I think I’ve pretty much established here that therapy is what works for me. Just knowing I’m going to go back makes me so happy. Right now, I just want a space to breathe and be vulnerable. It’s time. I’m super pumped.

Resolutions

So last year I made a few New Year’s resolutions. As I’ve mentioned before, I am constantly trying to be a better person. I don’t need the signal of a new year, per se, but the idea of a fresh start always helps. I’m currently working on a few person things, but I’ve thought about some bigger sweeps I want to make in 2013. But first, let’s see how I did on my resolutions from 2012.

I love this quote. 🙂

1. Find my abs.

OK, truth time. I completely forgot I made this declaration. Mostly because I constantly want to find my abs, but I’m usually not so intentional about it. All in all, even with my lack of memory, I think I did fairly well with this one. In the summer, I started Jamie Eason’s LiveFit workout and saw some major results. Then, Jesse and I started doing Insanity when I moved to Seattle. I don’t have a six pack (remember all those cookies?) but I’m in probably the best physical shape of my life. So, I got some ab-age going on. I’m satisfied with that.

2. Learn to play the drums.

I did this! Mostly. I can actually kind of play the drums now. I definitely want to keep the momentum going in 2013, especially now that we have a place to set them up (because OMGWEFOUNDAHOME – details later) but I can keep time and get splshy with it when I’m not totally self-conscious. Yeehaw.

3. Cut down on my drinking.

Yes, I did this. Especially these last three months because I was on a diet where I couldn’t have bread, much less alcohol (long story). All in all, with the exception of a few celebratory occasions, I drank moderately to not-at-all. Yeah, me. Maybe I’m just growing up? The appeal of overdrinking isn’t there anymore like it was when I was 21. I just want to wake up tomorrow hydrated and with a stomach that isn’t turning.

So, I did it! I basically fulfilled all of my New Year’s Resolutions. I honestly think that’s the first time I’ve done it. Granted, some of it is probably because life just moved that way, but I like to think I had a lot of control over whether these did or did not happen. *pats self on back*

So, now it’s time for 2013. I have a few goals in mind that I’m working on, including carrying over the abs and drums thing. I’d like to see myself continue to improve there. So, here are the big ones:

1. Grow my business

I have set myself a goal income for this year, along with some other goals, including how many clients I’d like to carry along with my job at The Gottman Institute. I feel as long as I am realistic and I work hard, there’s no reason I shouldn’t succeed here.

2. Get my half-sleeve

So, I know some people don’t view tattoos the way I do, but I promised myself I would get a tattoo to symbolize my growth and resilience since starting counseling almost 5 years ago. I’ve come so far since then, and I have a really cool idea of something I want. I promised myself once I make X money this year, I’m getting my tattoo. It’s happening. Plus, I want that constant reminder on my body telling me, “You’re strong. You can do anything,” because you know what? I’ve already done so much.

3. Practice patience

I’ve talked a lot about my struggles with being patient. I’m basically the archenemy of patience. I hate waiting and I always want instant gratification. This trait has made me more miserable in the past year (relatively speaking) than anything else. I set up expectations for how long things should (see, those shoulds suck) take and I end up being disappointed and mad at who? Oh, myself. I love blaming myself. I’m stopping that, too.

4. Start Yoga Teacher Training

I hope by this time next year, I am making moves to become a yoga teacher. I love yoga so much and I don’t get it into my life nearly as much as I would like. I think becoming a yoga teacher would be an intentional act of getting yoga into my life forever, while also providing a cool platform for more work in mental health/wellness.

5. GET A DOG

It’s happening. We have a yard now.