Creativity and inspiration are tricky things.
I go through spurts. I picture my levels of creativity like an erratic EEG monitor. I’m all over the place. As some of you may have deduced, I’m back to an *interesting* work schedule (which, mainly, is me sitting in my pajamas, looking for jobs and doing some freelance writing/private practice stuff). I’m busy, but not steadily busy. I’ll have a couple hours of work, an errand to run, more work, a doctor’s appointment, etc. My schedule is flexible and leisurely. I don’t really like it. I’m a gal who yearns for structure.
I’ve noticed during these times, I don’t really feel like writing in this blog (sorry, just bein’ real and shiz). I feel like I have nothing profound to say or nothing I really feel like sharing. I don’t feel inspired and frankly, I’d rather sit and draw or paint than write in the ol’ blog. Maybe it’s because drawing and painting don’t have to have a point. Writing in here has to have a point. I’m not going to mindlessly ramble at you 5 days a week. I don’t want to waste your eyeballs or my time. I like writing when I have something to say or a thought to express.
It’s frustrating though because if there was ever a time in my life where I had the time to write a million things on here, now is that time. When I have less time, when I’m out working my booty off, traveling all over, talking to a bunch of people, then I’m sitting there tapping my foot, scrawling notes on paper or typing them into my phone, itching to write a post the moment I have some time to myself. It’s weird. When I’m busy, I want to be more busy. When I’m not as busy, I have nothing to say. It’s a weird paradox of busyness. I guess it’s kind of like the law of attraction.
I keep thinking of that TED Talk from Elizabeth Gilbert (author of Eat, Pray, Love) who speaks to the beast of creativity. She basically gives a short history lesson of how creativity has been viewed in the past and how we look at it now. In the past, we viewed it as an external influence, something that would just pop into our minds, maybe inspired by a god or some nymph bestowing a genius idea upon us. Now, there’s an internal view of creativity, that we are responsible for how creative we feel and choose to be… to some extent I agree with that. I need to do things to nurture my creativity (like get busy!), but I also feel like sometimes stuff just pops into my head with little perceived control over the process. I suppose I believe you can influence creativity, but you can’t spontaneously create it. Some of it is kind of divine or cosmic.
So, that’s where I’m at right now. I’m trying to find ways to be busy, while also wrestling with this desire to just not do anything. Life.