Until Plants Have Feelings

I’ve been toying with eating grass for a while now.

Last year around this time I had to to give up a substance or behavior (not giving up Top Chef) for my Addictions I class. We had to feel the pain of what it was like for an addict to give up their substance (e.g. cocaine, heroin, ice cream) or behavior (e.g. sex, gambling, sleeping with their blow-dryer). I decided to give up some of my greatest loves at the time.




The reason why I loved these things was because they are delicious. Plain and simple. I thought that would be an extremely tough thing to do. For me, Cheeseburgers = Xanax.

I totally failed. I was a cow devouring fool. I completely relapsed before I even started. At the end of the experience, I felt a tinge of maybe-that-should-have-been-more-meaningful-but-I-was-too-busy-eating-meatball-subs-to-pay-attention thought process.

Then I started having some health problems and coincidentally watched this movie called Food Matters. The wheels got turning and before I knew it, I had taught myself as much as I could about eating organic, humane and antibiotic-free meats, and nutrition in pesticide treated plants. I was thinking, “What have I turned into? Oh dear lord baby Jesus, I’m a hippie.”

As my hippie leanings took shape, I began to talk to Jesse about it. As self-proclaimed animal lovers, we both decided it was time to take the plunge. It was time to become vegetarians. We marked our first day moving in together as the day we’d start.

So, now it’s been 9 days without meat. I’ll say it’s been interesting. I’ve been struck with a lack of creativity in the kitchen. The whole “Where’s the protein/meat mentality,” was still there. Jesse was just eroding away from the barbarian man-thought of “Not meat, not eat!” But after tonight, I feel ready to kick some non-animal cooking booty and to see my boyfriend fatten up again.

We had our first meal that made us excited we decided to become vegetarians. I’ll have a full recap tomorrow, but let’s just say there was faux-chicken we had to ask about because we were concerned they had slipped us meat on accident. As we were walking home, I was telling Jesse about how great it felt to follow through with our decision eat veggie style. He said “Yeah, it’s great until we find out plants have feelings!”

Dear Carrots,

You’re delicious. Please don’t ever become aware of how much I love you.