In about 24 hours, I’ll be driving to the airport to travel to Thailand. This is a dream come true.
You may also notice that I haven’t been posting lately. This has been intentional. I’m on a blog detox.
You see, I haven’t journaled just for myself in years. I’ve been lax about creating art. I’ve done so much internal processing related to what I want to write for others, I’ve kind of forgotten about what I want to create for myself.
For the majority of my youth and young adulthood, I cared an awful lot about what people thought of me. In a way, this has greatly helped me on my path to self-awareness and introspection. In some ways, this has really hindered my actions to pursue what I want.
I guess I always figured that if I only considered what other people thought was best for me, if it ever failed, then I wouldn’t have myself to blame. I could point the finger, play the victim, and never get what I want, but at least know that I was never responsible for my own failure.
I’m no stranger to failure, but I’m also no stranger to success. I may fail or I may succeed, but I’m become more and more aware that I am tired of always wanting to know how others feel about my decisions, my choices, or my path. If I succeed, I want to own it. If I fail, well… at least I know I was doing something I wanted to do.
I’m trying to figure out what I want… what I really want from life. Do I want success? OK, what does that success look like? I always thought success was becoming a rock star, being famous, being adored. Now that I give a damn about what a small handful of people think, as opposed to the masses, my idea of success is shifting. My desires are changing. Heck, I’m 25. This is totally normal.
So, I hope you will pardon me while I go on an amazing adventure where I may or may not post. I hope this resonates with any of you who are still figuring out who you are, where you want to go, and how much you want to care about how others choose to think of you. If it doesn’t, oh well. I’ll be in Thailand, writing about my journey on paper, staring out the window of a train or laying in the sand. It’s time to unplug for a while.
See ya around here later.