I’m practicing yoga again. I found a studio I really like with a free one-week introductory period. Score.
I don’t know if it’s the yoga or the reset button, but I’ve been in a great place mentally. I think I’ve officially let go of a lot of the things I know I can’t control. I don’t even want to control them right now.
Today, my yoga teacher asked us to pick a word for a the intention of our practice. For someone who really likes words, this can be a challenge. A ton of words ran through my head, but I clung to the word “faith”. I went with it and as I sat there askew in revolved triangle, I returned to this word. As I found myself doing poses I never knew I could do, not even worrying if I could do it before trying them out, I returned to this word. It’s been weird finding so much meaning in something that presents itself at face value.
I did a lot of thinking about why I chose faith and why I have been having such a great practice lately. What it is really, I think there’s a sweet spot when it comes to your locus of control.
Too much internal locus, and you often feel like the world is heavy on your shoulders and it’s your responsibility to solve every problem, find a reason for every mistake, and usually it all comes back to believing it’s your fault.
Too much of an external locus of control, and you end up feeling like a victim, like you have no control, like everything is falling through your grasp like you’re trying grip onto water. You usually feel defeated, broken, and angry with the world.
The sweet spot, which I think I realized today, is having faith. It’s trying your hardest to succeed at whatever it is that is before you. It’s working your fanny off to have the career you want, the relationship you want, the friends you want, and the life you’ve dreamed of forever. But faith… faith is recognizing that sometimes things are just out of your control and it’s beautiful anyway. You have faith that good things will happen to you and you believe the bad things are good things in disguise.
You could, however, look at the unknown and mysterious as bad. You could label things that happen to you as bad, unpleasant, or set-backs. Unfortunately, they are going to happen anyway because that’s life. Life has some certainties and a lot of uncertainties. It’s your choice about how you view both of them. Will the certainties feel cumbersome or will they be a fun challenge? Will the uncertainties cause us fear, or will they be welcomed with optimism?
It’s faith. I believe that good things will happen to me because worrying that bad things will happen causes a lot of undue stress in the meantime. If something “bad” happens… oh well. At least I didn’t stress myself about it up until when it happened.