Gratitude II

A few days ago, I woke up next to Jesse. He started to get ready for work and poured himself some cereal. I stumbled downstairs with the sleep still in my eyes, wearing my two sizes too big Gator pj pants, hair all frazzled, and I placed my head on the kitchen table. I made a noise likened to a giant “harumph!” and commenced my pout session.

“What’s wrong?” Jesse said with a smirk.

“I want a jobbbbb,” I whined.

“Jen, you’ve been here a week. Just give it some time.”

“I’m just worried. I get bored. I like working. I’m a good counselor! Why isn’t anyone calling me back?”

“You’re being silly. Enjoy the time off. I know you’ll find a job.”

So, I’ve been pouting. I’m in a new town (which I love), with my boyfriend (whom I love), without a job (which I don’t exactly love). I spent two and a half years working on this degree. I know if someone would hire me they wouldn’t regret it. In fact, I bet they would be pretty happy about it.

But, that’s not the way it goes. I talked to my friends. I talked to my mom. They are all singing the same tune. I should relax. I should be thankful for this time off. I should realize that this is how it is for most recent graduates. My mom told me today it’s anywhere from 90 days to 6 months after graduation to find gainful employment.

Me neither, Patronus. Me neither. I’m going to have to go to the craft store if I start edging up on 6 months.

Don’t get me wrong. I like the free time. I like being able to write this blog post a 3 p.m. without a care in the world. I like that my biggest worry is what Jesse and I will eat for dinner and what time I should start cooking. I like that for now.

I also know I’m a woman who likes to be busy. I am a gal who needs to feel productive. I need to know that when I lay my head on my pillow at night, I did something with my day. Right now, that something is congratulating myself that I didn’t eat a whole trough of granola out of boredom and that I organized my e-mail inbox.

Something else I did today that I’m happy about: I expressed my gratitude. I sent my counselor from so long ago a thank you. I wrote to the people who wrote my recommendations for graduate school. I thought about how thankful I was just to have my degree and to have had the opportunity to chase my dreams. I am a counselor, whether I have a job right now or not.

Plus, I’m eating ice cream scoops the size of my head.

Nothing like a little gratitude to make you really appreciate the three episodes of Burn Notice you watched on Netflix and the shiny new degree that’s floating in the mail somewhere across the U.S. on it’s way to you.

I will get a job. Just not today and right now, I’m OK with that. I’ve got plenty of things to be thankful for.

Author: Jennifer Bingaman Mazur

I like writing about what I think about what I think. I also like writing about what other people think and what I think about that. Yes? Yes.

4 thoughts on “Gratitude II”

  1. OMG, if that is vegan ice cream the texture looks absolutely divine! I feel you on the productivity thing, I too like to feel productive each day. I used to feel awkward while on vacation (especially at the start of a vacation) because I didn’t feel productive while vacationing. It was wretched. My counselor advised meditating on all the work I did leading up to the vacation – even the years I’ve spent working, not just days or weeks. Now I really practice it in Savasana – I remind myself that I did the work to deserve this break, even if the break temporarily feels uncomfortable or unproductive. “I’m talkin’ ’bout practice.”

  2. I’ve been in your situation, Jen. Recently, in fact. Just know that positive thinking when paired with hard work always brings great things. Trust me. I know it’s hard to believe when you’re in the thick of things but it will work out for you! Just from reading your blog, I know that any one would be lucky to have you. Good luck!

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