Making Life Dreams Come True

Past Sound Relationship House posts:

Build Love Maps

Share Fondness and Admiration

Turn Towards

The Positive Perspective

Manage Conflict

Manage Conflict: Accepting Influence

Manage Conflict: Repair and De-escalation

Okay, I’ve said it before: I am not crazy about what John Gottman decided to name some of the levels of the Sound Relationship House. This level is especially irksome. Making Life Dreams Come True.

It’s just too cute. It reminds me of Disney movies and sets the precedent that at some point, your partner is going to have to figure out how to make you a wizard and send you to Hogwarts because for some of us (and I’m not naming names me), our life dream is to get an owl post. Jesse, are you going to make this happen?

Done.

Now, Accio me a Hedwig!

Okay, so maybe you can make some ridiculous life dreams come true in certain ways. My point though, is that this is about something besides nerd fantasies (there’s more to life than nerd fantasies? You don’t say!) and it’s really about knowing your partner.

For example, Jesse had a job interview a while ago. In this job interview, they asked him what he would do with a large sum of money. As he was telling his story about his interview and outlining what he’d spend his money on, I interrupted him his sentence and said, “You’d open a  recording studio…”

I said it kind of like, “Duh” because I knew he was going to get to that as the finale on his story (sorry I ruined your epic ending, Jesse <3) but I wanted him to know I knew. It’s never been outwardly spoken in our relationship, but if there’s ever the time and extra money laying around when we’re older, Jesse is getting that recording studio. It will make him infinitely happy and I know that would be his ultimate “My life dream came true” moment. Besides being with me in 50 years. I mean, who wouldn’t want that?

(Ignore the creeper…)

So, it’s really just about knowing what your partner’s ultimate dreams are for the future and working as a team to make that happen. I know that I jump around with my goals for the future, but with every new goal, Jesse is hip with it and knows it’ll be a part of my future. Right now, I’m seriously considering having a private practice. Jesse has been supportive of that idea and we even talk about being a small business owner every once in a while. He works my future into his future. It’s totally rad.

So how do we get to knowing about our partner’s love of light sabers and recording studios?

We ask questions. We act curious. We want to know.

We avoid being those couples we see out at restaurants that sit silently and look around for things to talk about. If we have to, we bring questions to dinner ready to ask our partner. We have to talk about what the other person wants to do in the future. We can’t just expect it to happen. We have to plan our future with our partner.



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Posted on by Jen Bingaman, M.A. LMHCA Posted in Couples, Mind, Theory
Jen Bingaman, M.A. LMHCA

About Jen Bingaman, M.A. LMHCA

Hi, I’m Jen. I’m a mental health counselor newly residing in Seattle, Washington. I strongly believe in the mind-body connection as the cornerstone of my professional ideology, along with the healing possibilities of puppies, a good glass of red wine, the smell of a new book, and the importance of travel.